A semi-satirical piece speculating about the future of pizza through the lens of climate COP.
“Don’t be such a dairy, Pizzetta!” “I’m not, I just cannot make it today, really! I made plans with grandpa.”
The entire way back home, Pizzetta thought about what her friends just called her. It was probably meant as a joke, she thought. Though she also felt their frustration, given that she skipped the local pizza boxes assembly race again. Once back home, Pizzetta felt like finding some solace in her box, but curiosity got the better of her.
“Grandpa?” she asked cautiously, as she approached him in the kitchen.
“How was your day, Pizzetta?” he answered in his typically enthused manner.
“...uhm, good, but I want to ask you something, what does ‘dairy’ mean?”
“Dairy?! Gosh, it’s been a while since I heard that. Who said that to you?”
“My friend Pizzena called me ‘dairy’ because I skipped an event other pizzettas went to.”
“Oh, she must have heard it from her parents then. Sit down, I’ll make us some toppings and tell you all about it.”
Pizzetta’s grandpa, Pizziolo, was one of the oldest and most respected pizzas in town. His DNA was once traced all the way back to the Roman focaccia, one of pizza’s most famous ancestors. Pizziolo devoted his career to improving the lives of pizzas but since his recent retirement, he often entertained and educated surrounding neighbors and friends with his almost encyclopedic memory of the past events.
“Dairy is a name pizzas used to call those of us who fought against progress and positive change. You know, long before we became who we are now, pizzas around the world were getting increasingly dry, burned and quite unhealthy. We all lived our lives wearing blindfolds, almost as if we existed in a closed box. We lived a story that was unsustainable and potentially devastating but we just didn’t see beyond next Friday’s pizza party. No one noticed that slowly we were getting more and more crusty. I remember this as if it happened yesterday. One day my phone rang, a former colleague and a good friend of mine from Naples called me in tears, worried for the future of her fellow pizzas. If we don’t change our ways, I worry that Margheritas may never see the light of the oven again, she cried out to me.”
“At that time, we kept hearing rumors from far away about all kinds of problems, including pineapple and tomato shortages and even yeast die-offs, caused by extreme temperatures but we kept thinking of them as isolated events. Instead, we were in the midst of a climate collapse.”
“You know, Pizzetta, back in my days, we held high-level talks on climate change with the intention to stabilize it. They took place every year under the umbrella term ‘Conference of the Pizzas’.”
“I, myself, participated in the 27th edition, which was also one of the last ones. You probably heard about COPs, as they were called, from your AI learning buddy.”
“I did!”, exclaimed Pizzetta. “Here, look, this is the learning path that includes information about COP”, she activated her SAM (Structured Approach to Mentoring) and started reading.
“Conference of the Pizzas 27 was characterized by misplaced optimism and heavy reliance on technology to change the world for us. Numerous assurances about handling the climate crisis made by the political pizza leaders of the early 21st century stood in stark contrast with what science kept telling us.”
“That’s exactly right, Pizzetta,” chimed in Pizziolo.
“In retrospect, it’s so easy to see. We were running in circles and didn’t understand that it was our task to create a symbiotic relationship with the environment. It was us who had to adapt to the environment, not the other way around. Most of our thinking back then was driven by fear of change, and our clinging on to the known and familiar, despite its destructive nature. But no matter how you slice it, some felt this almost gravitational force of evolutionary change. I mean, imagine if we never moved beyond being a simple, yet delicious, flatbread?”
“We would still be walking around butt-naked,” laughed Pizzetta.
“But, what was the real issue then, grandpa? I still don’t understand…”
“The real issue was the resistance! Our world was changing literally in front of our eyes. We were already locked in on the business-as-usual trajectory, with devastating effects in store. And instead of working towards transformation that would be commensurate with the scale of the issue, we just lounged around like a loaf of dough.”
“Why would anyone fight against change when your entire habitat is at stake?” poignantly inquired Pizzetta.
“It’s nothing new under the sun, my dear. We pizzas have a history of resisting change. Back in the 1950s, we began applying a new technology that promised to extend our lives significantly. While some welcomed this opportunity, others feared for their identity and mounted a large opposition based on fear-mongering. Various slogans and misinformation started to circulate. I still remember a few… ‘Left out cold’ or ‘Don’t get boxed in’. And hey…they worked! Pizzas got scared, and many derogatory terms, such as ‘frozen pizza’ emerged.”
“Wait, are you talking about cryopreservation, grandpa?”, asked Pizzeta inquisitively.
“Precisely! You know what I’m talking about, it was similar during the COP talks. Pizza Progressives and young pizzettas around the world pushed for massive change, while a smaller, yet powerful group of pizzas protected their vested interests at all costs.”
At this point, Pizzetta lay flat, face down on the table, muttering cries of frustration. “So, how did we break this gridlock? Pizzas seem to be getting along well nowadays.”
“Well, we managed to stabilize the climate and avoid a catastrophic rise in temperature. At the end, we utilized the full potential of climate technology, but it became the means to an end, only after we changed our essence. We literally changed the building blocks of our society and pizzettas like you played a key role in all this.”
“Amidst shortages of toppings and life-essen
tials, pizzettas began to rally outside pizzerias almost on a daily basis. They just felt boxed into the corner, with no positive future outlook. Tomato sauce became scarce, and breakdowns in supply chains meant we just couldn’t source the toppings. We were all burning, until we finally understood that the old-way of life was over. It was time to take a close, hard look at what we were made of!”
“And what happened?” asked Pizzetta excitedly, chomping at the bit.
“We used AI, of course, not to change the world around us, but to change ourselves! Alternative Ingredients became a climate movement in late 2020. We replaced wheat with spelt, which is healthier for the soil and more nutritious. We ditched all meat proteins but, most importantly, we said a resolute NO to dairy, which became a symbol of resistance to change due to its enormous contribution to the climate crisis.”
“Pizzetta, I wish you could have seen it! It was electrifying, we collectively started making daily changes in our actions and behaviors, from cutting back on toppings, to using no dips. Our existence became much less cluttered. Soon, companies followed suit. Did you know that it takes only ¼ of pizzas to change social dynamics? What are organizations and institutions if not systems made of individuals, ey?
“All this didn't happen overnight, of course, it took years. In 2032, AI really became widespread. Once we turned climate-friendly, everything changed, and I mean Delivery, Packaging, all of it. Eventually, Pizzinis came out of the oven with a new identity! And that was the one big step towards the world we live in today, dear Pizzeta.”
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